Not A Twi-Mom!

Yesterday Oprah had a fantastic episode dedicated to “Twilight Saga” and their fans.  It’s a “Pheee-nomenon.”  I can’t wait for “Eeeeclipse” (said with the accent over the “E”). 

I loved most of it.  I can never get enough of Rob’s adoreable giggle.

But one thing bothered me.

WTF Ali Wentworth - "why the face"

Don’t call me a Twi-Mom!

Seriously people.  What is the deal with tacking the “mom” onto the back of any interest you have.  Just because you have kids.

Yes.  I am a Mother.  Yes.  I have children.  But what do they have to do with my "Twilight" obsession?

I can’t think of a thing.

A Soccer-Mom is a mother of a soccer player.  It means she is on the sidelines while the kid plays soccer.  She brings the snacks, drives to practice and cheers at the games.

A Band-Mom is the mother of a kid who is in the music program or marching band or maybe in a real rock band or something.

Same goes for a “Insert University of Choice here” – Mom.  Or Whatever!! You get my point!

My kids are not the ones who love “Twilight.”  I AM!  I just don’t get the terminology.

Is it a thing where, above all things, I am a mother.  It almost sounds like they are explaining or sort of apologizing for their behavior.  Like, “I know this is weird for me to like something for myself, because, you know, ‘I’m a Mom and I’m only supposed to be devoted to my kids but I really love Edward.”  What the Fuck is that??

Daddy likes to play Golf, but nobody calls him a “Golf-Dad.”  Or a “New York Giants-Dad”  They are golfers or Giants’ fans.

I had two problems with the Oprah Twi-Mom segment of the show.

1^st-  Was Ali Wentworth condescending or what!!??  
She said first off, “I don’t get the obsession, blah, blah, blah.”  Okay that’s fine.  You don’t have to.  But she made those little passive aggressive remarks that I know were supposed to be funny, but kinda sounded judgy.  The strawberry thing. 

Then getting the kids to rat out their moms for “liking Edward more than them.”  Way to throw in some Mommy-guilt.

And, the whole part about loving Henry Kissinger.  Whuh!!  What was that about.  Are you saying you’re too smart for this?  Even Rob, Kristen and Taylor looked a little insulted at her saying, she still didn’t get it, “you kids are not my cup of tea.”  Way to treat your guests that just doubled your ratings.

2^nd- Did those ladies really have to go the whole T-shirt wearing, monthly-meeting, let’s scrapbook Twi-stuff route.

Walking the “red-carpet?”  Reallly!!!??  (Said Seth & Amy style)

Way to make Mothers look like FREAKIN Morons people!  My second hand embarrassment was off the chart for that lot.

Fancy Schmancy. You've outdone yourself again, Doris

I saw your fancy “Southern Loving at Home” cake plate with the "Eclipse" countdown gracefully written on it with a coordinating red ribbon.  It was a bit to Martha for me.  So was the red Cosmo or Martini or what ever the fuck that was in the glass.  
And maybe Ali Wentworth was right.  Just a little too much effort was put into those strawberries.  That little soiree looked a little too “Women’s League” for me.

Waaay too much effort. Time should be spent reading "MoBS"

Where the hell was the beer and Naa-chos?

And no, my love of Twilight is not a “safe” crush.  It is not innocent.  I don’t want Edward to sneak into my room, and hold me till I fall asleep. 

I want him to do naughty, naughty things to me.

I want to fuck Robert Pattinson so hard, his head explodes!

They can have their safe fantasy while not cheating. 

Seriously people!  If R-Pattz even showed the slightest interest, I would leave with him so fast and not look back your head would spin. 

Not “safe.”  Not “innocent.”  Not “faithful.”

And I wonder if just one of those Twi-Mom sluts had one too many grenadine infused cocktails, would not say the same thing?

Would the other Moms become Judgy McJudgersons and tsk tsk at her.  Or would they agree and rip off their Hot Topic T-shirts to reveal their LaPerla lingerie and take pictures with the Edward Cardboard cutout between their legs.

So forgive me if I sound bitter.  I guess it’s a good thing, none of my bloggy friends wound up on Oprah to explain her level of passion.

Or the real truth would come out.  The smutty fan fiction.  The sparkly dildos.  The Edward panties.  The Twitarded trip to FORKSSSSSS!

Please “Twi-Moms” for the sake of the rest of us Fans with kids.  Cut the crap!  Call yourself what you really are.

I am a Twi-H00R And I am Proud!

Look...I made Kristen laugh.  Not an easy feat.